Monday, October 29, 2012

:: We plan, but afterall, Allah is the best planner::

We plan...Afterall HE is the best planner

Assalamualaikum to all..Alhamdullah, we were given chance to live another beautiful day...All praises to Allah..
It was an honourable and exciting day when my UPT turned positive..Those whom has the same experience must know how i feel rite? 

The pregnancy was going on smoothly despite all the morning sickness and mild craving ( i had a tolerable morning sickness and craving towards ordinary food)
Somehow,not every cloud has its silver lining and da same things applied to human beings. It was not my rezeki when i did my first scan and the doctor said that she unable to see my baby's heart rate..mixed feeling, dunno how to react, and after all i was shocked...i did the  scan thrice with diff doctor ( the 3rd one with the specialist) since i cud hardly accept the news...i still put a little hope that it might be wrong... i did not cried when she broke the news to me and hubby..but i cried, cried and cried when i moved out from the room and walking towards d car. I can feel the loss,loss of sum1 that u loved evntho u never see....perhaps due to bonding that developed btw us for the past 12weeks ..i know my hubby feel the same too,feel the loss, and the sorry abang, i dissapointed u...moga ade rezeki kita next time, insyaAllah...maybe im not taking gud care of this pregnancy,or maybe something might goes wrong sumwhere thru out the journey in which i could hardly detect =(

Redha and sabar....these 2 words motivated me during this difficult time..
Doc gave me options whether i want the process to take place naturally or i want to undergo DNC
She gave me 1 week tyme, If the POC (product of conceptions) not fully expelled naturally, then  i have to go for DNC. I agreed.
It was one day before aidiladha and a fews day before our 1st anniversy when we received these news...besarnye dugaan.Sabar+ redha, these two words keep on fluctuating inside my mind.

I never had experience what it feels like when the POC tried to come out naturally...everything started on the night of aidiladha after we came back from visiting our relatives. It was about 11 pm, when i started having this severe cramping was so severe that i was like berpeluh-peluh and crying in pain.  Maybe this is what pregnant women feel when they want to deliver baby.... The pain comes every min and i will pass out gush of blood sampai i pon takut nk tgk that heavy amount of blood.i still remember that i keep on asking hubby to check my pulse rate and my blood pressure.Alhamdulillah my BP was stable, but the heart rate still low around 53-54 beats per min...i could not sleep at all for the whole night since the pain comes every minute and i will bend my body, pressed on my stomach and holding hubby's hand.but still i could hardly bear the was so painful and i prayed to Allah that smoga dosa-dosa saya terhapus dengan kesakitan yg saya experience during that time....hubby pon dh clueless what he needs to do to bring down my pain and he keeps on reminding me to selawat and istighfar byk2....thanks hubby, i know u also feel the pain when seeing ur wife in this kind of condition....i took 4 tablets of paracetamol dat night and it does not help at i wish i have tramal or pethidine with me during that tyme..huhu....The unbearable pain persisted till the next morning until i passed out the placenta ( it was about a size of mini apple)....

And around 7 am on the second day of aidiladha, hubby brought me to klinik pakar sakit puan around selayang area, but doc was not there since it was a public holiday.Since i was still heavily bleed with passage of large amount of blood clots, so we decided to go to Pusrawi. Alhamdulillah , Allah permudahkan urusan kami. We are very fortunate, because on that day,one of the consultant of ONG in pusrawi was there during that tyme and the doc came to see me...Scan was done and the blood was still there inside the uterus, so we agreed to proceed with DNC in pusrawi..It was done under General anesthesia and the procedure took about 20 mins. Alhamdullilah everything went well, and i was only had a minimal pain.I was discharged at 5 pm on the same day, and still mc till now...

Afterall, i believed that everything happen for a reason, and Allah knows what is the best for us. Eventhough it was a painful reality, tetapi kami redha dgn takdir ini..mungkin bukan rezeki kami, dan mungkin ade rezeki yg lebih baik utk kami di masa hadapan insyaAllah...sekurang2nya, i have these experience in which i can share later on with my patients and advise them setakat yg termampu insyaAllah..To my beloved husband , and my beloved families ( my parents, my parents in law, my sibilings, my aunties and uncles) from the bottom of my heart, i want to say thank you, thank you and thank you for all the supports. Semoga Allah merahmati kita semua..To my beloved hubby,alhamdulillah, i was so lucky that Allah sent u to me,and u are one of the greatest gift that i've ever had. I love u and i will always love you.....


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